Handling Conflict :: Both Internal & External

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Tips & Tricks & Why Do I Care?

Going into the holiday season can be nostalgic in many ways, yet still fraught with tension. To alleviate the inevitable pains that come with an ill-spoken word or argument, it is important to find manageable ways to deal with confrontation and conflict. Here are my top four tips along with an awesome apology format to follow in the future.

- if something is said that makes you want to lash out::

and an immediate response is necessary, take three full inhales and exhales before responding. If you can wait to respond, take the time to filter your words in a way that strongly presents your opinion but comes across without inflicting pain.

- if something is written that makes you want to lash out::

do not respond immediately. Write out what you would like to say, but do not send it at that moment. Take out unnecessary expressions of anger, and after ensuring your words come across mindfully and intentionally without cruelty, hit the send button.

- if you do or have done something in an expression of anger or hatred::

remember a heartfelt and sincere apology goes a lot further than resentment ever will. For example, if you've hurt someone's feelings or said an unkind remark, ask yourself why you lashed out that way, how it might have impacted their life to hear something like that, and ways you two might move forward.

A helpful format is,
"It has come to my attention that my action of (action requiring apology) could be seen as (offensive, annoying, hurtful, etc). I never intended to (consequence of your action). I want you to understand I was merely trying to (your intention), though I can see now that it may appear I was (perceived motive). Please accept my (adjective) apology. Moving forward, I will attempt to (proposed solution). That said, I would very much appreciate it if you (request for other party). Sincerely your (relationship to person), (your name)."

- if you are angry with or hate yourself::

breathe, ask yourself what exactly makes you upset, and plan simple steps you can take moving forward to change the behavior that bothers you. As an example, imagine you are upset you do not wake up on time. Ask yourself if you are going to bed too late, having difficulty staying asleep, or feeling overly stressed during the day. Some helpful steps would be to wind down earlier in the evening to go to bed at a more appropriate-for-you time, to lessen your load during the day by delegating or re-prioritizing, or possibly adjusting your caffeine intake if you're having trouble falling and staying asleep.

Choosing love is not easy. It requires effort and self-reflection. Be kind to yourself if you lash out or wish you had done something differently. Take small steps.

+ Did you find these tips helpful? What is your go-to calm down strategy?

P.S. Use the hashtag #thegreatvibesguide for anything that makes you feel like doing the happy dance or expressing your imperfectly perfect self.

P.S.S. Did you know you get a free Great Vibes Guide & grocery store printable when you sign up for The Newsletter? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

P.S.S.S. Have you checked out all of the
other places Emily's spreading the Great Vibes?


Choosing to Love.

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On Sunday ...

someone wrote on my Facebook that my believing of love & tolerance as the correct answer to war was equivalent to 'hugging a terrorist'. I must politely respond with no, that is not right.

In my anger, I thought of a million scathing retorts to fire back. Then I realized doing that sure as heck wouldn't solve any problems nor would it make me feel any better. I deleted the comment and posted the picture above with the following comment instead::

I will never stop praying for peace. I will never stop believing that violence is not the answer. I will not give into fear. When we lessen ourselves to hatred, we are but mere shadows in this world. Only in light may we find freedom. Only in love.

You have two choices when your beliefs are opposed. You can simmer in your rage, carefully selecting words meant to tear another person down, or you can channel your emotion into something that empowers, something that is positive, something that makes people think. Only in light may we find freedom. Only in love.

Love and all is coming. Xx.

P.S. Use the hashtag #thegreatvibesguide for anything that makes you feel like doing the happy dance or expressing your imperfectly perfect self.

P.S.S. Did you know you get a free Great Vibes Guide & grocery store printable when you sign up for The Newsletter? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

P.S.S.S. Have you checked out all of the
other places Emily's spreading the Great Vibes?

Book Club :: Mindy Kaling's, Why Not Me? Part One - For the Ladies

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Welcome to The Great Vibes Guide's first Book Club!

It makes me (Emily, here!) extremely happy to have a virtual space where we can stay up to date on new books, documentaries, short stories, poignant articles, and other literary and media finds to keep us filled with Great Vibes and less, well, boring. Isn't it always more interesting to have someone bring up a fascinating article they recently read rather than the image they scrolled across in Facebook? I think so. Let's get started, shall we?

By now we're about 65 pages into Mindy Kaling's Why Not Me? and I don't know about you, but I'm loving it. (side note:: still haven't grabbed the book but want to join the fun? Buy it here. seriously. do it.) I appreciate her honest and open voice, her unapologetic nature, and her ability to call out social norms that have gotten the best of us all at one point or another. It's fun to relax and be a part of a conversation; she comes across like the best friend sitting at the other end of the couch sipping wine and bitching about her day at work or the drama of the moment. It's not stressful or monotonous but companionable and fun.

Reading this book is easy, but she calls attention to a lot of important issues I thought we could touch on today. Use the questions provided as jumping off points or share something you found interesting and worth chatting about. Whether you've read the whole section or just the first couple pages, I want you to chime in, and share your thoughts in the comments below!

For next time :: The Next Section for December 4th

Question Time

First of All, Pace::

+ Was this too much to read in such a short time? Shall we keep the pace the same or slow it down for next time?

Hello Again::

+ Did you read Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)?

+ What did you think of her couldn't-care-less approach to others' opinions of her? I'm a big fan of the phrase 'give less f***s' to keep my expectations in check and make sure that I'm rocking my authenticity at 100%.

How to Look Spectacular: A Starlet's Confession::

+ Do you think it's productive to draw attention to the media's obsession of the perfect appearance, or do you think it only fuels the fire?

+ What are some ways media could change for the better in regards to modeling men and women?

Some Thoughts on Weddings::

+ Do you like weddings? Are you the person who had/has the details all ready and waiting for the groom or bride?

+ I really appreciate her spotlight on the best "best friend" days (p.26). Do you feel similarly to friends you still call best friends but who might not be as present in everyday life as they once were?

Mindy Kaling, Sorority Girl::

+ What are your thoughts on her experience with Sigma Delt and being "deemed" something?

+ She ends her relationship with Sigma Delt via email. Ever ended/had someone end a relationship or organization via technology?

(Minor) Fame Has Changed Me::

+ On page 48, Kaling writes, "I wish I had always acted like I was a little bit famous". Based on the things she can and cannot do now that she is famous, what do you think she meant?

+ Should we all act a little bit famous?

+ How might you change if you were famous?

Things to Bring to My Dinner Party::

+ I find this chapter hilarious, because I'm always envisioning elaborate and beautiful dinner parties for when I'm older and have more money. What was your favorite item listed? I loved, "an enormous vintage diamond engagement ring you are giving me because you are going to announce at dinner that I am yours".

+ What non-food item would you have guests bring?

Player::

+ She talks a little about words like "BFF" and "girl crush" on page 59. Did you ever do something similarly over a phrase you later used or still use shamelessly?

+ Ever had a there-one-moment-gone-the-next friend or lover? Gossip to your hearts content.

Any other thoughts?

That's all of the questions I have to spark conversation for now... Hop down to the comments and give it a whirl -- no thought too big, small, unwanted (within reason), or otherwise!

Still haven't grabbed the book but after reading the great questions about to be talked about want to join in the fun? Buy it here.

+ I'm curious. What do you think about a book club? Have you ever done one in the past? If you start it, do you think you'll finish it?

*affiliate links were used in this post :: thanks for supporting The Great Vibes Guide & me! Xx.

P.S. Use the hashtag #thegreatvibesguide for anything that makes you feel like doing the happy dance or expressing your imperfectly perfect self.

P.S.S. Did you know you get a free Great Vibes Guide & grocery store printable when you sign up for The Newsletter? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

P.S.S.S. Have you checked out all of the
other places Emily's spreading the Great Vibes?