January 28, 2015

To Be Found ||

January 28, 2015/ ekfriend

This was originally posted to There's Beauty in Recovery... jump through to the site at the end of the excerpt to read more...

When I wrote of disappearing, I meant what I said. But as I read that quote, I discovered I did/do truly want to be found. I want someone to acknowledge and be impacted by my light. I want someone to profess their love and daringly sit beside me through the unknown – whether it is a moment, a day, a year, or even an eternity, I want to feel that burst of exuberant joy in my chest. I want that for myself, to feel like my actions do not go unnoticed. I’ve spoken a lot about love through my posts – the love I have for myself, the food on my plate, the animals all around me. I’ve spoken of love never found, love lost, and hopeful love. I’m not afraid to want love. I’m not afraid of being found. I’m afraid of disappearing without being found, without being loved. Yes, there are seconds, moments and days even, where I disappear. But those seconds and moments will not be an eternity. One day, I will be found... [keep reading]

anything exciting going on on this wonderful hump day? comment below...

January 21, 2015

A Second of Disappearing ||

January 21, 2015/ ekfriend

This was originally posted to There's Beauty in Recovery... jump through to the site at the end of the excerpt to read more...

I wasn’t expecting to just disappear. I really wasn’t. I was thinking about the magnificence of falling back asleep, the delicious feeling of being lazy and hazy with no obligations or requirements — watching the day drift from morning light to afternoon shimmers to nighttime glow. It’s as if this stress that has been coursing through my veins hypercharged and accelerated my heart, my mind, and my soul until only an empty shadow remained, wondering the how, the why, and the what’s of it all. My ideas, so clear-cut a month ago, are foggy and undisciplined. ... [keep reading]

anything exciting going on on this wonderful hump day? comment below...

January 05, 2015

January Resolution: Spontaneity || 1.5.15

January 05, 2015/ ekfriend

||ON FIRE||

One week to go until I'm reading over books filled with economic based calculus and texts about Hinduism. One week of relaxation coupled with intense panic of the unknown, and I'm back in Winston-Salem, making sense of everything all over again. I'm not as agitated as I was for the beginning of the fall semester; I've made my choice to remain at Wake, and I'm sticking to that decision. But it doesn't mean I don't get a little nervous at the idea of going back to a fuller than full workload. Will I get exhausted again? Burn out? It's the new year, new me kind of deal, but is it? It's never easy transitioning from a little work here and there to a packed, 19 hour day, 7 days of the week kind of deal, but I'm determined to make it work.

This past weekend, I hung out around the house, became frustrated, watched a few seasons of Bones, made a recipe that I can't wait to put a twist on, and thought long and hard about what this new year will mean in the long run. My plan this year? One resolution a month mixed with some new habits and attitude adjustments -- all will be minimally planned and I'll be spending life in the moment (thanks to resolution #1 - Spontaneity). I'm really excited. This week I'm hoping to catch up with friends before I go back and really start living the life I want for my future. Amazing 2015 here I come!